Working Mum

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting for some. For others, it can be that sweet escape from baby vomit and dirty nappies. For me, the best way to put it is strange. There is a small part of me that wants to create something outside of motherhood that I can turn to on the days I might need to just be me (not mum). I think the craziest part of all of it is how much I do want to be just mum. How fast my baby is growing, changing and learning and how desperate I am to not miss a moment.

I always thought I would be roaring to get back into working. How I wouldn’t want to lose my identity of me just because I had a baby. How I would not be one of those people who overloaded their socials with images of just how cute their kid is. And yet, here I am with an Instagram full of baby photos and the overwhelming sense of gratitude for my new role in life.

I have started to slowly get back into some form of work, however I wanted something I could do from home or anywhere, to allow myself to be with my babies and not restricted. Also, the thought of battling the horrid day-care sicknesses terrifies me.

I had no ‘career’ before I fell pregnant. I had a lot of things I wanted to do for work but nothing that had fully taken off. So, returning to work was different for me. I decided to turn something I enjoy doing into something that could (hopefully one day) contribute to our household income. Plus, I thought how easy it would be to just be able to write for a living and look after a child.

Well, nothing is ever ‘easy’ once you have a baby. I assumed that during his naps I would have plenty of time to work. But in the 45 minutes (an hour if I’m really lucky) he is asleep, there is the mad rush of washing the dishes, putting a load of washing on, quickly having a shower and getting myself ready for the day before I sit down to write. And usually by that time I check the monitor and see two beady little eyes staring straight at me. And then it’s like Groundhog Day all over again as I get him up, feed, change, play, until those tired little eyes close.

 Every parent always says that there is no perfect balance. If you are there and present as a parent then you might not be giving your business or job the best you. But when you are killing it at work, you might be missing important moments in your child’s life. And I think that’s ok, I think realizing that you actually can’t do it all, that there are seasons in your life where one area grows and another suffers a bit is normal.

I think it’s important to know what you want in your life right now and prioritize that. It’s also important to understand that it can and probably will change as you grow.

For now, I am still figuring out how my life is going to be with a baby in tow. I want to be as present as I can in these first few years of his life. Because it’s no lie that you can blink and miss it. That you can get trapped in wishing it away. So here I am, trying to create a perfectly imperfect life that is full of learning and growing. Working for yourself isn’t easy and you end up doing multiple roles but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

And with that, I must now go and be mum, my favourite role of them all.